


Agape

by moonstones42



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 22:50:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1758937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonstones42/pseuds/moonstones42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's in love with Cas. Plain and simple. The only problem? Cas ready to move on with his new life now that Dean has kicked him out of the bunker, and Dean's too guilt-ridden to do anything but pout about it. But when Cas's potential date turns out to be a babysitting job, caring for a cranky baby finally forces them to face their feelings for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Foundations

Dean ended the call with his younger brother, absentmindedly drumming his fingers on the hood of the Impala as he sipped his cheap coffee. He could see Cas well enough through the large front windows of the gas station; even though the buzzing neon “Open” sign obscured most of his view, he could still make out the former angel’s silhouette. Dean let out a sigh as he watched the man he’d effectively evicted from the bunker perform his menial day job. He knew he’d had to choose between his brother and his...friend. He knew that Sam’s vulnerable state had made his brother’s safety the priority. But he still felt terrible for tossing Cas out all on his own.

Taking one last swig from what he wished was a liquid far stronger than coffee, Dean stood to his full height and decided he might as well get this overwith; no matter how much he wanted to avoid his guilt, pining after Cas from across the street wasn’t going to get the job done.

The chime above the door sounded as Dean pushed into the small corner store, and he decided at the last minute to go for a casual rather than apologetic approach as he neared the front counter. He waited for the woman in front of him to finish purchasing her items, then strutted up to Cas with the most jovial smile he could muster.

“Any chance you’ve got any pie around here?” he asked, cheeky grin widening when Cas looked up in stunned confusion at the sound of his voice.

“No,” came Cas’s immediate response, and Dean was entirely caught off guard by his curt tone. It had never crossed Dean’s mind that Cas would ever be anything other than stoked to see him again. “What are you doing here?” Cas continued a moment later, and Dean felt his smile fade entirely.

“It’s nice to see you too, Cas,” Dean replied, doing his best to shake off the sting of Cas’s rather unwelcoming inquiry.

“It’s, uhm, Steve now,” Cas told him in a low voice, leaning slightly forward as if they were sharing some sort of heavy secret. “And sorry, it’s just that you surprised me. I was not expecting to see you again so soon,” he added, a hint of sadness creeping into his voice.

Dean felt like the worst friend alive when he realized he hadn’t even bothered to check up on Cas after kicking him to the curb. Of course he wouldn’t have really known how to contact him, but finding him today hadn’t been too hard; if Dean had wanted to he could have checked in on him, just to make sure he was ok being on his own again. If nothing else, it would have kept Cas from looking the way he did now-- like he knew he’d been abandoned, and now that Dean had returned, he was starting to think he liked it better that way. Dean supposed tossing someone to the streets and then failing to reach out to them was a pretty sure-fire way to torpedo a friendship.

“Well you surprised me too, looking the way you do,” Dean joked, doing his best to offset the tension in Cas’s words. “I mean I know you have to lay low to keep off the angel radar, but this is some disguise man,” he laughed, reaching forward to mess with the name tag pinned to Cas’s bright blue sweatervest.

“Dean, we cannot discuss that sort of thing here,” Cas hissed, swatting away Dean’s hand as his eyes darted back and forth like he was on the lookout for the Soviet spies that could be listening in on their every word.

“Dude, relax! There’s nobody around, calm down. I just can’t believe this is the job you picked; all the gigs in the world and you choose gas station sales clerk?”

Cas let out a huff of agitation, moving the conversation farther away from a woman perusing energy drinks nearby and lowering his voice even farther as he spoke sternly to Dean.

“My grace has been stolen from me, what did you expect? When I fell to earth I did not just lose my powers, Dean. I lost everything; I lost the will to go on, the drive to be something more than...than myself. I lost my faith, Dean -- my faith in myself, in humanity, in life. I had nothing.”

Dean stared at Cas in shocked surprise, caught off guard by the raw feeling in Cas’s voice. Here he’d been playing around, trying to make it seem like nothing had happened, when Cas had been utterly ruined inside. He should have known, of course; he’d seen the angels falling, he’d even been able to hear some of their screams as they’d hurdled from the heavens. But he hadn’t wanted to believe such a terrible fate could befall his angel, his Cas. And so he’d ignored and denied when really he should have reached out and comforted.

Cas had needed him and he hadn’t been there. And when he finally had shown up, Dean had mocked and trivialized what Cas had gone through. Smooth going, Winchester, Dean thought to himself. If only the fastest way to a man’s heart was through making him feel undervalued and unappreciated-- Dean would’ve been well on his way to a whirlwind romance ages ago.

“But now I have this job,” Cas continued, and Dean felt even worse; Cas had turned to a crappy day job for comfort because Dean had pushed him away. “As a Sales Associate, I preside over inventory, customer service, and keeping the entire place clean and presentable. I have a purpose here, I have responsibilities. I have a job that if left undone would completely topple the entire establishment.”

“Well that’s...nice,” Dean offered, doing his best to keep his smile from falling into a grimace. It sounded utterly miserable and mundane. But if Cas was happy, Dean supposed he might as well be happy for him. This was what he’d left Cas with, afterall; he couldn’t exactly complain if the former angel had made the best out of a crappy situation.

“But come on Cas, you’re better than this,” Dean insisted a few minutes later, following Cas around the shop as he restocked shelves.

“No, Dean, I’m really not. I failed at being an angel. This is my place now,” he said as he placed a bag of Cheetos on a wire rack already laden with junk food.

“You didn’t fail!” Dean cried incredulously, amazed Cas could even consider such a notion, let alone genuinely believe it. “You had your powers taken from you--you didn’t give them up. That isn’t failing, Cas. That’s getting knocked down. But you just have to get right back up again,” he preached, echoing the same speech Cas had given him many times in the past.

“Perhaps I enjoy it here; did you even consider that?” Cas told him, sounding a bit annoyed.

Dean hadn’t considered that for even a moment. But mainly because he didn’t see what could possibly be appealing about working in a place like this.

“It has a sort of dignity to it,” Cas continued, his attention on the Cheetos once again. “A human dignity. Things aren’t quite so monumental here; I destroyed every important thing I ever touched, but this place gives me the chance to try again with small tasks. Here I feel like I might actually do something right.”

“But Cas, it’s a gas station. You could build your self-esteem anywhere, why would you want to--”

“I hate to interrupt, but Steve, a customer had a bit of an accident in the men’s room,” a female voice called. Dean turned to see an attractive blonde woman with a dripping mop and a matching blue sweater vest smiling in Cas’s direction.

Now it made sense.

“No problem,” Cas told her with a smile of his own, the agitation his voice had held as he’d spoken with Dean now gone entirely.

“Oh and does tonight around 7:00 work for you?” she asked, tilting her head to the side in a way that made Dean’s stomach churn in disgusted rage.

“Seven works fine,” Cas replied, all smiles and flirtatious kindness.

Dean tried to fight off the urge to wallow in despair as he realized that of course Cas wouldn’t stay single for long. No one that gentle, thoughtful, and ridiculously attractive could last two minutes without gaining someone’s attention. It was more the fact that Cas had clearly reciprocated this woman’s advances that tore Dean up inside.

“So you’re dating,” Dean commented gruffly before he could stop himself, and Cas gave him an odd look.

“Nora is a very nice woman,” Cas replied with a shrug, and Dean tried to pretend the casual shoulder movement hadn’t been a stab right through his heart. “I’m confident she is not a reaper intent on killing me, so I replied in the affirmative when she asked me out on a date. Dating is a normal thing that humans do, is it not?” Cas asked a bit pointedly, and Dean could only begrudgingly mutter that yes, it was normal.

Dean was all in favor of Cas going on dates. The only problem was, Cas was going on dates with someone who wasn’t Dean.  

It was stupid, but for some reason he’d hoped Cas would just always be there, waiting for the day Dean’s emotions finally got the better of him and he blurted out that he was in love with the winged idiot. But it wasn’t fair for him to expect Cas to just sit around waiting for a declaration of love he might not even reciprocate.

The little guy was dating someone, he was moving forward with his life. Dean should have been happy for him. So although he felt like crying inside, he would do his best to try and support the friend he owed so much.

“So did you really drive all the way out here to criticize my life choices and mock my budding love life?” Cas asked as he emerged from the gas station some fifteen minutes later.

Dean had opted to stand outside while waiting for Cas to clean up the bathroom blunder; after two minutes alone with the woman after his angel’s heart, Dean had decided he would much rather smell like gasoline than endure a moment longer with Nora. It wasn’t that he found her particularly annoying or unsuitable for Cas--really it was more of the opposite. She was perfect for him, kind and understanding and a bit socially awkward in that endearingly adorable way.

Dean could honestly see his best friend being truly happy with her.

Of course, that was the problem, wasn’t it?

A petulant “no,” was all Dean could muster in response to Cas’s criticism. He wanted so badly to scoop Cas into his arms and confess that he’d come because he’d missed him, because he’d been wrong to send him away and he never wanted to be apart from him again, that he wanted Cas to date but to date him and only him, that he--

“Then why did you come? I am quite busy, you know,” Cas said, interrupting Dean’s wild love-sick thoughts.

“I need your help on a case,” Dean forced out, not trusting himself to say anything else. Cas was definitely not a happy camper, and the last thing Dean needed was to accidentally blurt out his feelings and ruin what little chances he could pretend he had left.

“My help?” Cas asked with a frown, sounding genuinely confused. “What skill set could I possibly offer? I’m useless without my powers,” he added, his voice heavy with melancholy.

“I’ve never had powers,” Dean pointed out with a shrug, and Cas sighed as if he was getting tired of repeatedly telling an insistent toddler that no, they couldn’t have another cookie.

“Yes but you’re a hunter, Dean; you don’t need powers.”

“And neither do you! You’re a hunter in training, remember?” Dean quipped with a smile, but Cas’s face remained impassive.

“I remember you telling me I ‘sucked’ as a hunter,” Cas commented with a fair amount of bitterness, and Dean felt as if he’d been punched in the gut with a wrecking ball of guilt. Had Cas really taken the joking comment Dean had made months ago so seriously? Of course, Dean supposed if any ex-angel were to have a fragile self esteem, it would be Cas.

“I didn’t say you sucked! I said there was...room for improvement,” Dean told him, and Cas gave him a look that clearly said ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’.

“Look, just come along to keep me company, ok?” Dean pleaded, trying his best not to sound too desperate. He hadn’t seen Cas in weeks, and although he knew that was entirely his own fault, he was determined to spend at least a few hours with the object of his affections.

“Your date’s not until later on, and I don’t think Nora would have a problem with you taking off your shift a bit early,” Dean continued, putting a bit more emphasis on the female boss’s name than was necessary or normal. But Cas didn’t seem to pick up on the blatant jealousy in Dean’s tone, as the former angel merely cocked his head to the side in consideration.

“Alright, I will accompany you,” Cas finally conceded, and it took all of Dean’s willpower to keep from punching his fist in the air and giving a hoot of victorious excitement.

They arrived at the crime scene some twenty minutes later, and Dean headed over to speak with the officer in charge and the victim’s best friend. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Cas make a beeline for the pink-splattered school bus where the unexplained death had taken place.

But by the time Dean finished his quick interview with the witness, Cas had made his way back across the street to the Impala. He stood beside it with his hands braced against the hood as if he was trying to control his breathing and keep from heaving up his lunch all over the pavement.

“Hey, buddy, you doing alright?” Dean asked in his gentlest tones, coming up beside Cas to rest his hand on his shoulder. The last thing he wanted was for his attempt at spending more time with Cas to backfire miserably and drive the former angel even farther away from him. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea afterall, and he shouldn’t have pressured Cas to drop everything and come with him.

“I’m fine,” Cas told him, but his voice still seemed tight and strained. “I’ve seen this before,” he added, looking over at Dean with an expression of distress and even mild fear.

“What? Where?” Dean demanded, his hand falling away from Cas’s shoulder as his words lost their kind and soft tone and his brain switched back into hunter-mode.

“In heaven,” Cas told him solemnly, and Dean blinked at him in surprise.

“So you’re saying this was done by an angel? What, some kind of pink panther with feathers?” Dean quipped, and Cas fixed him with that blank stare that always encompassed his features whenever Dean made references he didn’t understand.

“I suppose the pink aspect is accurate, but I didn’t pick up on any feline involvement,” Cas told him, and Dean barely managed to hold back a grin in the face of Cas’s pure adorableness.

God, Dean had missed him. The way he was simultaneously the most intelligent and most clueless person Dean had ever met; the way his brow wrinkled whenever he tried to apply his strict logic to Dean’s pop culture allusions; the way his entire face would light up on the rare occasion he did understand one of Dean’s references.

Who was he kidding? Dean had missed everything about Cas.

“But Dean, this is no ordinary angel,” Cas continued, and Dean had to force his mind back on track. They were on a case; he’d brought Cas along to help him work, not so he could analyze each and every little detail that made him so friggin cute.

“Alright, so what is it?” Dean inquired, more than a little troubled by Cas’s expression of worried fear.

“It’s a special class of angel, known as the Ritazian--the ‘hands of mercy’. On the battlefield they would tend to the wounded and nurse those who’d fallen. But for anyone past the point of saving, it was the Ritazian’s job to give them a painless death and help them pass on,” Cas explained.

“Yeah but these aren’t wounded angels being killed, they’re perfectly healthy people,” Dean pointed out, and Cas nodded.

“I know. But they were in pain, and the Ritazian must have heard their suffering when it fell from heaven. So now it’s seeking to help those it believes require its assistance.”

“So how do we stop it?” Dean asked, shifting from one foot to another as he readied himself for whatever challenge Cas would propose as a solution.

“You mean how do you stop it,” Cas corrected, giving Dean a meaningful look, and Dean frowned in confusion for a moment before he realized what Cas meant.

“Oh. Right. Your date. I guess you’ve got to be getting back soon then,” Dean commented, not bothering to hide the disappointment from his voice or expression. He’d managed to fool himself into hoping Cas might decide to blow off his date in favor of spending more time with Dean. But no, that wouldn’t have made sense; of course Cas would rather be with the woman who’d shown interest in him than the friend who’d kicked him to the curb and then returned demanding favors.

“No, I still have a few hours to spare,” Cas admitted.

“Then what is it?” he asked, and when Cas didn’t answer right away Dean finally pinpointed the real issue.

“You’re scared,” he realized, voicing the observation in a quiet and gentle tone, and Cas swallowed before nodding.

“Things just aren’t the same as they used to be, Dean. I can’t do what you do,” he told him, looking up at Dean with sadness and apology written all over his face.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Dean assured him, offering Cas a smile as he touched his shoulder again. “I’ll track down the Ritazian, you stay safe,” he added, giving Cas’s shoulder a squeeze.

“You too,” Cas told him with a smile of his own, and Dean couldn’t deny that finally seeing Cas smile at him after all this time prompted his stomach to perform a quick series of somersaults.

Dean wanted to pull Cas into his arms and tell him he’d fall apart without him; to press a kiss against the crown of Cas’s head and tell him how much he meant to him; to take Cas’s hands in his and tell him he was the most beautiful person he’d ever encountered.

But Dean couldn’t bring himself to do any of these things.

Because Cas no longer wanted a part in the only sort of life Dean could offer him, and Dean had to respect that. If Dean couldn’t give Cas the normal life he wanted, couldn’t provide him with the happiness and content he deserved, then Dean would ensure that Cas ended up with someone who could.

And so Dean pushed aside his surging emotions and instead offered Cas a ride before climbing back into the impala without so much as an unspoken hint towards his true feelings.

 

Darkness had fallen by the time they arrived at Nora’s house, but Cas’s nervousness was still just as painfully clear as it would have been in daylight. Dean watched as his best friend let out a sigh and stared out the passenger side window, the former angel restlessly fidgeting in his seat.

“Just calm down, it’ll be fine,” Dean assured him, but Cas shook his head and turned to Dean with wide eyes.

“I’m not sure if I can do this, Dean,” he said breathlessly, and it took all of Dean’s willpower not to suggest that Cas just back out of the date and spend the rest of the evening with him instead. But no, Cas deserved much better than anything Dean could offer him, he reminded himself.

“Everyone gets nervous on their first date,” Dean told him, but his words didn’t seem to be doing anything to alleviate Cas’s stress. If anything, Cas had only become more agitated since they’d parked in front of Nora’s house; his breathing had grown quicker and shorter, and his hands were beginning to shake a bit.

“Just look at me and breathe deeply; can you do that?” Dean asked gently, and Cas nodded as he kept his gaze focused on Dean’s face.

“That’s good. Just keep that up, ok bud? Forget about everything else, just focus on me.”

Dean reached forward to take Cas’s trembling hands in his without hesitation, Dean’s calloused fingers wrapping around Cas’s softer ones.

“You’re going to be fine,” Dean soothed, rubbing his thumbs back and forth over the backs of Cas’s hands. After a few minutes of soothing words and gentle caresses, Dean noted that the former angel’s breathing had slowed back to normal.

“Feel better?” Dean asked, and it wasn’t until Cas confirmed that he was alright that Dean suddenly became aware of the fact that they were holding hands. Dean pulled away a bit too hastily, he knew, but if he didn’t force himself to let go there was no way he ever would.

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas told him, his voice low and far more relaxed than it had been before.

“No problem,” Dean told him awkwardly, grateful that the relative darkness at least partially disguised the redness that was now flushed across his cheeks.

Cas opened the passenger side door and began to climb out, but Dean impulsively called him back.

“Cas, wait,” Dean insisted, and Cas lowered himself back into the passenger seat.

“Yes, Dean?” he asked in the dutiful tone that reminded Dean of the old days, back when he and Cas spent every waking moment together and were both ceaselessly willing to do whatever it took to protect and care for each other.

“I..uhm…” Dean sputtered, at a total loss for words. He hadn’t actually had a legitimate reason for calling Cas back, other than the obvious fact that he desperately didn’t want to be away from him and certainly didn’t want Cas to date anyone other than him. But he couldn’t very well just say that.

Could he?

“I can’t let you do this,” Dean told him, and Cas looked over at him with a look Dean didn’t recognized but didn’t dare peg as hopeful; now wasn’t the time to get side-tracked by lovesick delusions.

“What do you mean?”

This was it. This was Dean’s chance to finally tell Cas how he felt about him and end this ridiculously painful guessing game once and for all. Cas might still not be interested in him, but at least this way Dean would know for sure. Never again would he have to lay awake for hours every night wondering what could have been between them. This was it.

“I can’t let you go on a date dressed like that,” Dean finally told him, fighting to keep his voice from breaking as he took the coward’s way out once again. Perhaps the real reason Dean couldn’t have Cas was that he wasn’t brave enough to suck it up and go get him.

“These are the only garments I currently possess, Dean,” Cas told him with a frown.

“Ok well at least lose the vest,” Dean instructed, his voice far more agitated than it had any right to be, and he wondered what it would take for Cas to pick up on the fact that his heart was currently splitting in two.

Cas hesitated for a moment, giving Dean an odd look, before he dutifully unbuttoned and shrugged off the bright blue article of clothing.

“Happy now?” Cas asked, but Dean shook his head.

“That’s a little better, but the shirt could use some work. Undo a few of the buttons,” he suggested, and Cas followed suit. “Alright, that’s enough; no need for a full blown strip tease, Miley” Dean told him before Cas could get to the third button.

“Alright, that’ll have to do,” Dean finally decided.

“Any other advice? I’d really like to get this right,” Cas confessed, and he sounded so genuine and caring that Dean could hardly bear it. Cas wanted to do everything in his power to make this woman happy. And Dean wanted to leap off a 12 story building because Cas’s strong, loyal, heartfelt affections would never be directed his way.

“Be a gentleman, no matter what,” Dean told him. “Always open the door for her, and actually listen when she talks; she’ll know if you’re faking, and pretending you’re interested is just a jerk move anyway. Don’t lie to her, even if you think the truth would be worse--it never is. And if one day you wake up and realize you love her...tell her,” Dean told him, taking a moment to clear his throat and blink back the tears he hoped Cas couldn’t see forming.

“Don’t let her walk out of your life because you were too stupid to ask her to stay,” he finished, abruptly turning away because he honestly couldn’t handle the way Cas was looking at him with those big blue trusting eyes set in the kindest face on earth.

“Now go knock her socks off. And don’t second-guess yourself; she’s lucky to have you,” Dean told him, his voice undoubtedly choked up now.

“Thanks, Dean,” Cas said sincerely, and Dean’s entire body tensed as he felt Cas’s hand warm on his shoulder. “You’re a good friend, and I’m lucky to have you as well.”

Thankfully Cas climbed out of the impala and closed the door behind him just as Dean gave in and let his despair take hold of him. He squeezed his eyes shut and balled his hands into fists, sucking in a ragged breath as he willed himself not to break down.

He forced himself to look out the passenger side window, and he could just make out Cas standing at the top of the stairs through his teary vision. His breath caught in his throat as Cas unexpectedly turned around to give Dean a little wave, and Dean felt completely numb inside as he dumbly waved back.

Then Nora opened the door, and Cas’s attention became wholly focused on her, just as Dean had instructed. And when Cas disappeared into the house and out of sight, Dean’s heart shattered and faded with him.

 


	2. Shock Absorbers

Cas tried to keep from nervously shifting from one foot to the other as he waited for Nora to answer the door. He’d briefly considered buying her flowers, maybe a bundle of various colored carnations with a few daisies and chrysanthemums sprinkled in. He’d seen the courtship ritual performed many times over in various films, and the recipient of the flowers always seemed quite pleased by the offering of particularly colorful plants. Although, Cas still wasn’t sure why so many humans seemed to prefer flowers over other flora; personally he quite enjoyed ferns, and would much rather receive an offering of small cacti than a bundle of impractical and honestly quite strange looking tulips.

But regardless of his own plant opinions, Cas had gotten a bit distracted while on the job with Dean, and had completely forgotten to stop by the local florist. On the bright side, hopefully the advice Dean had given him would be enough to help Cas sweep Nora off her feet sans-flora.

Turning around a bit, Cas could just make out the dark form of the Impala still parked on the curb. He gave a little wave in Dean’s direction, hoping the other man was actually looking his way. No matter how excited he was to spend the evening with Nora, Cas hadn’t been eager to leave Dean after spending the whole afternoon together. It felt like eons since they’d last seen each other, but they’d fallen into their normal routine of easy companionship without much difficulty. Granted, things had been a little rocky in the beginning, with Cas caught off guard by Dean’s sudden arrival and still a bit peeved about being forced out of the bunker. But there was no way he could’ve stayed angry with the hunter for long; no matter how grievous Dean’s transgressions, Cas would always welcome him back with open arms.

“Great, thank god you’re here!”

Cas turned back to the doorway to see a brightly smiling Nora, her uniform of button down shirt and slacks traded in for a light blue dress that would’ve perfectly complimented the flowers Cas hadn’t bought her.  

“You look stunning,” Cas told her, ignoring the sound of the Impala’s engine purring to life as he followed her into the foyer.

“Oh Steve, you’re too kind,” she told him with a dismissive wave that Cas had learned to interpret as a humble show of thanks. “I seriously cannot believe you agreed to do this; I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to find anyone on such short-notice,” she added as she picked up her purse from the entryway table.

“I am more than happy to,” he replied with a smile. He wasn’t quite sure why she felt the need to thank him for accompanying her on a date, but he supposed it must have been some sort of human custom he’d overlooked in his studies of courtship etiquette. Certainly wouldn’t be the first time a social convention had escaped his notice.

“Probably best for me to just pay you ahead of time,” she told him as she pulled out her wallet, and Cas stared at her in silent alarm as he realized he must have seriously misread the situation; apparently what he’d interpreted as a date had in fact been a solicitation for prostitution.

“I--uhm, that is really not necessary,” he forced out as calmly as he could manage, doing his best to subtly back towards the door. Maybe if he hurried he could flag down Dean and enjoy the course of events he should’ve followed to begin with.

“Nonsense, you’re doing me a huge favor by agreeing to watch Lena while I’m out,” Nora told him a bit distractedly as she fished out a few twenty dollar bills and pushed them into his hand.

“Who?” Cas asked dumbly, giving up on trying to make sense of this very strange and decidedly not-normal-for-humanity situation.

“Oh, sorry, right! Her name’s Lena; she’s asleep in the nursery just down the hall. I fed her about 15 minutes ago, so she shouldn’t get too hungry while I’m out. There’s food in the fridge if she does. Oh and here’s my number, call me if you have any problems,” she said in a rush, scribbling down a series of digits on a piece of paper and stuffing it into Cas’s hand along with the crumpled money.

“You have no idea how hard it is to meet a nice woman at this age, even with online dating sites. She’s an entrepreneur and she loves kids; talk about a perfect match, am I right? Anyway, I just couldn't let this one slip through my fingers,” Nora gushed as she stepped past him and pulled open the door. “You really are amazing, Steve,” she called over her shoulder in parting, and Cas could only give a confused little wave before she disappeared down the sidewalk.

So, not prostitution after all. Dogsitting perhaps? Although Cas had always assumed domesticated canines were civil enough to be left home alone for at least short intervals; perhaps this Lena was a particularly rambunctious dog? Of course, dogs weren’t normally kept in nurseries. Wasn’t that the term for commercially produced fish habitats?

Somehow the idea of Nora paying him to watch over her stores of live salmon for the night wasn’t as odd as the idea of Cas becoming a sexworker.

But no, that wasn’t right. Fish were housed in nunneries; Sam had told him that when he’d explained that conmen couldn’t find shelter in convents because those were for nuns, and nuns didn’t live in nunneries because those were for fish.

Cas decided it was best to stop speculating and solve this Lena mystery once and for all by taking venturing down the hall. He gently pushed open the door to the nursery, not entirely sure what he would find, and felt an odd mixture of relief and foreboding when he realized exactly what-- or better yet, who--Lena was.

A human infant. A baby, as he’d been told was the standard conversational term. Cas was glad he wouldn’t be caring for a dog or group of fish, but he wasn’t sure a baby was much better. Humans were so fragile and required a considerable amount of care, even in their adult and fully matured forms. Cas had learned this the hard way in his early days as a human, and had struggled immensely to provide for himself in what he supposed had been his own infancy.

Sure, he’d eventually managed to scrape by and get to where he was now. But it had taken a tremendous amount of strength and determination for Cas to get himself settled; how could he possibly be expected to take care of a helpless little human when he’d had such a hard time providing for himself?

Stepping back out into the hallway and pulling the door softly closed behind him, Cas hoped Lena would sleep peacefully through the night; the last thing he needed was a complicated first attempt at caring for another human.

He spent the next few minutes wandering about Nora’s house, taking in carefully organized bookshelves and designer furniture that looked like it had been pulled right from one of those magazines on interior decorating that humans seemed so fond of. Cas wasn’t entirely sure how Nora had procured such an ideal lifestyle with her salary, but he planned on using it as an example of how successful a gas station career could be if Dean questioned his life choices again.

Cas eventually settled down in Nora’s living room, sinking into the couch and leaning his head back against the upholstered cushions. He closed his eyes with a heavy sigh, trying without success to keep his mind from drifting to thoughts of Dean.

He should have stayed in the car.

When Dean had called him back into the Impala for last-minute wardrobe advice, Cas should have voiced his desire to spend more time with Dean instead. Cas had been excited about his date with Nora, that much was certain. Nora was fantastic; smart and kind and lovely in just about every way Cas could imagine.

But Nora wasn’t interested in him; at least, not in any way that didn’t involve paying him to look after her child. He’d hoped to have finally found a feasible object of his affections, someone to help mend the slight he’d suffered and aid him in moving on.

Cas knew these were goals he should try to achieve on his own; he knew enough from observing humanity that things were always smoother when both parties involved were self-sufficient and content on their own. Looking for someone to hold his hand as he mended his wounded heart was both impractical and unfair to Nora. But if nothing else, Cas had always been a dreamer.

And, although he knew the cliche would prompt Dean to let out a snort of mocking laughter, occasionally dreams did come true. At least, in part. For example, Cas had hoped and dreamed and prayed for weeks that Dean might find his way back to him, and today that wish had come true. There had even been hints that his other hope, the one that still hurt to admit even to himself, might manifest itself in reality.

Cas’s fingers twitched restlessly as he thought back to how it felt to have Dean’s hand warm in his, the other man’s thumb slowly, gently, soothingly stroking back and forth and calming Cas faster and more completely than anything ever could. He thought about the way Dean had looked at him, his expression filled with concern and care and just maybe -- Cas couldn’t be sure if he’d imagined it or not, and he hated to get his hopes up when disappointment stung like a thousand poison-laced arrows to the heart-- something more than the affection shared between friends.

But no, that was impossible. Cas knew Dean. Knew him better than anyone, save Sam. Dean pursued women of a certain type. And although Dean had shown an interest in men on more than one occasion, he'd never shown any clear signs of being interested in Cas. At least, not in any way that couldn't be categorized as just exceptionally friendly.

Excruciatingly painful as it was, Cas had to accept that the bond between him and Dean would always remain static in nature, never blossoming and evolving into what Cas ceaselessly pined after in his heart of hearts.

He’d hoped being evicted from the bunker would have helped to dissuade or at least calm these feelings. It had hurt considerably, being unceremoniously pushed away at a time when he’d needed companionship--family-- more than anything.

But being away from Dean had only made it harder; not seeing the way his face lit up at the promise of a good meal, not hearing the energy in his voice when he raved about cinematic masterpieces, not feeling his touch when he jokingly bumped Cas with his shoulder to lighten the mood on a job.

And being human hadn’t helped either; as an angel he’d had other voices in his head that he could tune into when his Dean-related emotions became too intense, agonizingly frustrating, and almost overwhelming. But once he’d been left entirely alone with his own thoughts, Cas had nearly drowned in thoughts of Dean; the frustration, the loneliness, the hopelessness -- his feelings had consumed him almost daily, smothering him until they threatened to block out all else in his life.  

Those days had been difficult. And now that Dean was back in his life, now that his prayers had been answered and the man who’d brought him the most joy and the most anguish he’d ever experienced had returned, Cas wasn’t sure if he could cope.

Cas was jerked out of his thoughts by the faint sound of tiny coughs. He sat up a bit straighter just as Lena’s hiccuping huffs transitioned into full-on crying. He scrambled up from the couch and hurried into the nursery, looking down at the tiny pink-faced human without the slightest clue what to do.

Cas began to reach down into the crib, but hesitated. Should he pick up the little wailing bundle of pudge? Or would that only make her even more upset and increase the already rather unpleasant volume of her cries?

Reaching into the pocket of his trench coat, Cas recalled that Sam and Dean had taken care of a baby shapeshifter once; surely Nora’s daughter couldn’t be that different. Cas wasn’t that keen on explaining the embarrassing outcome of his date to Dean, but Lena’s cries were growing more pained by the second.

At a loss for what else to do, Cas dialed Dean’s number. As he lifted his phone to his ear, he heard the crash of glass being broken in one of the outer rooms. His first instinct was to assume poorly-timed intruder, but a moment later Cas picked up the distinct presence of a celestial aura not more than 50 feet away.

The Ritazian must have heard Lena’s cries and come to “heal” her, Cas realized with a sigh of annoyance. So much for a peaceful conflict-free evening.


End file.
